A THERAPIST’S FIRST EXPERIENCE BRAINSPOTTING
I sat down in a folding chair, our instructor in front of me, a room of my colleagues around me. This would be my first time Brainspotting, and I was doing it as a demonstration for all of us in the training. While this might seem nerve-wracking to some, honestly it’s typical for me. With a background as an actor I was already used to showcase my emotions for others to see.
This time, however, I wasn’t equipped with a script or stage directions. Instead I had Cesilia and a frame. A guide and a container in which I was exploring myself.
There are different types of Brainspotting - as I would learn through my time in training. Cesilia and I started with Outside Window. We began by talking; I shared what I was seeking to process, she assessed where I felt that and how strongly I felt it. Then she began slowly moving her red-tipped pointer across my field of vision. I knew what she was looking for: somatic (or body-based) reactions that indicated something was happening for me. She paused and asked me to hold my gaze here; I would only later learn from my peers that I had a full body jump at this spot, something I did not recognize in the moment.
What is Brainspotting?
I’m going to leave us paused here, at the setup, for a moment to take a step back. What is Brainspotting (BSP) anyway?
Developed by David Grand, Ph.D., BSP is a therapeutic treatment modality based on the principle that where we look impacts how we feel. Through the use of eye-focus, neurophysiological sources of pain, trauma, emotional harm, and dissociation are located. By maintaining this focus and use of strategies (such bilateral stimulation, somatic release, and therapeutic support) clients process and release some of this neurophysiological pain.
Okay, did I lose you will all the therapy speak? That’s okay, let’s jump back into the experience of BSP to get a sense of what it looks like in practice.
The Processing
Once Cesilia located a Brainspot, we sat together. My gaze remained fixed to the pointer. Occasionally I spoke, but often I sat there without words. I felt myself physically expressing things: tears, tension, shaking in my body. Tapping my leg then suddenly stoping. Scrunching my face in anger, holding my breath. Cycles of physical expression that would rise then release into calm before another cycle started.
Internally, my experience was quite visual. I would describe what happened not like dreaming, but like reading a book. You are aware that you are here, in the present, holding a book; but your mind is taking the words on the page and creating a visual expression of them, taking you into the scene. I had images of the things I was processing, I saw myself in them, I bounced quickly between scenes (often too quickly to speak or describe what was happening. Words didn’t matter anyway - this experience was for me not for others).
And then we ended. Once one of these cycles completed, Cesilia assessed my activation, how I felt, and she closed the pointer. I took a sip of water, wiped my tears, and was back in the room with my peers.
Personalized Experiences
My experience of Brainspotting may not be the same as your experience with it. For one, I am a very visual person, while others may not be (or may even have aphantasia and not visualize mentally at all). So the amount of “‘seeing” things can vary. Some people like to talk a lot during the session, others prefer to be quiet. Some may find that they are incredibly physically expressive, while others are reluctant to somatically release. There are a variety of reasons for the personal experience, which may include:
The type of frame you are setting up
What type of BSP is being facilitated
How much of this brainspot has already been processed
How intense the brainspot is for you
The type of trauma response you have
The way your mind functions
Your rapport with your therapist
The biggest advice I have? Don’t try and force a reaction. Allow yourself to be open to whatever comes up. Curiosity about yourself and your experience are powerful tools.
Impact
So if the experience varies so much, what can you anticipate the impact of Brainspotting to be?
Immediately after the brainspotting session, I found myself feeling hungry and curious. I wanted to know what the group of people around me noticed. Even more than that, however, I wanted to talk about what I witnessed in myself. Things I had seen and felt, moments where I wanted to scream but wouldn’t allow myself to release, the tension of the emotions being felt and the noticing before it happened.
At the end of our training day I went home. I gave myself a hardy meal, put on cozy socks, and nestled in a soft blanket. I let myself rest and be.
One of my biggest fears with Brainspotting was that I would completely forget the experience I was processing, like the memory would be erased. This may sound odd, and perhaps people want no memory of what happened to them, but for me, not knowing seemed more terrifying. What I realized as the week progressed was that my memory was still there, I just wasn’t being triggered by it. Thoughts that would previously result in feelings of dread and panic now left me … calm? I wasn’t reactive to them in the same way. I knew that the events had occurred, but I didn’t feel frozen by them.
The traumatic event was no longer triggering me. Instead I could acknowledge it and continue existing in a regulated manner.
Is Brainspotting right for me?
It might be! If you are struggling with trauma symptoms, feeling stuck in talk-therapy alone, or struggle with verbalizing trauma, Brainspotting could be a good option for you. The best option is to reach out to a local therapist and request a consult call. This is a great space to share about your experience, ask about BSP, and identify if it feels like a good therapeutic match.
In Baltimore and ready to start your journey with Brainspotting? Reach out to Rae@CuriousThings.org to schedule your complimentary consult call.
